he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
