taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
