we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
