can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
