And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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