Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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