My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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