I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
