im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
