There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
