using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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