he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
