Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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