i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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