Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
