Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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