I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
