her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
