You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
