Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
