Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
