Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
