A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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