We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
