you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
