Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
