So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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