get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
