i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
