Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize