Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
