i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
