hotel room ftw
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
