i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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