i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
