Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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