omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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