he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
