my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
