Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
