I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
