So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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