I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
