By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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