just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
