i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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