When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize