btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
