you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
