So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
