Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
