you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I will be naked everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
