Tell her she can't have a vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
