whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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