the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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