How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
