No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
