I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
