Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
