I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
