i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
