i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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