There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
