yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
