Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
