I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
